Published: June 29, 2008 12:51 am            

DODD: Gas fuels market interest

“President Bush announced his plan to increase the number of barrels (of oil) produced. You hear his plan? He wants to make smaller barrels.”

— Jay Leno

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Sometimes we all just have to laugh to keep from crying. I thought I would share some random thoughts of my own and a few one-liners from some comedic commentators.

Like most drivers now I am no longer just a consumer. I am a gasoline day trader. Often I analyze current market numbers and world social conditions to decide whether to buy five dollars worth or fill it up. I read The Wall Street Journal and New York Times headlines to see what factors will affect my 15-gallon market decision.

I can no longer watch the gasoline dial turn. It takes forever for the gallon dial to reach one. It’s surreal to stand there and watch the dollars and cents dial move by at lightning speed while the gallon gauge takes forever to get to eight-tenths, nine-tenths, and finally one! Gas was a quarter when I first started driving. I would hand the guy a five dollar bill, get a full tank and a handful of change (including paper bills)!



"The Federal Trade Commission has ruled that oil companies are not gouging customers. They say, technically, they’re screwing customers.”

— David Letterman

What has happened? Kim has started throwing luxuries overboard at our house like excess weight from a sinking ship. Just last week, she lamented, “That’s my last edition of this magazine. “ If it was a five or ten dollars per month luxury we have stopped using it, reading it, eating it, wearing it, or watching it. Now that we have decided to start giving our thirteen-year old son Cameron an allowance I am afraid we might have to charge him rent.

And still, we seem to be losing ground. On a recent afternoon gasoline was selling at anywhere between $4.08 and $4.15 per gallon. A rumor started circulating that the price per gallon would rise before the end of the day. The lines at the gas station looked like one of those cheese giveaways when I was a kid. I miss cheese giveaway days. Every middle class family I knew had a refrigerator full of those gigantic blocks of cheese. And that was good tasting cheese. I am not sure whether poor people for whom it was intended got any cheese. Working class Americans had to have cheese parties to ensure it didn’t go bad before it could be eaten. With everything going up again because of the ripple effect of the price of gas I sure wish the government would start another middle class cheese giveaway program for the poor.



“The nation’s second-largest oil company, Chevron Texaco, announced it was buying rival Unocal Corp. A spokesman for Chevron Texaco, which made a $13 billion profit last year, says the new company will be called ‘Bend Over, America.’”

— Dennis Miller

I recently read where movie theaters now have to raise their prices on food and drink. It seems like the last theater movie I saw was a silent film. By the time we buy tickets, gas, and some snacks, we might as well be going on vacation. I can buy stock for what a box of large theater popcorn will run me and those super-sized candy bars should now be offered with terms of no interest for thirty days.



“Let me tell you something, if I invade IHOP, pancakes are going to be cheaper in my house."

— Chris Rock

I personally blame singer Ray Stevens for the current gasoline price fiasco. I think he was the one who created the initial ill feelings between us and the Middle Eastern oil Sheiks.

Cameron out of the blue last week asked me if I had ever heard a song called Ahab the Arab. Boy, did that bring back memories of cheap gas and different world market conditions.

For anyone under 35, Stevens had a couple of hit songs singing about a “Sheik of the burning sands” named “Ahab the Arab” who had a sidekick, his camel, named Clyde. Yes, we actually used to drive around in our cars full of cheap gas laughing at a dim-witted, desert dwelling character from the Middle East.

Times sure have changed. And you know what they say about he who laughs last!

Lindon Dodd is an Otisco resident who is a freelance writer and can be reached at indon.dodd@hotmail.com.

        

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