Published: August 17, 2008 12:56 am            

CUMMINS: Will the next president part the Red Sea?

You can’t believe half of what you read in the newspapers.

Either newspaper people make things up, or semi-intelligent human beings making the news have discarded their brain and are thinking with another organ such as an abscessed tonsil or burst appendix.

You don’t read about the millions of hard-working Americans struggling to buy food to put in their adjustable-rate mortgaged homes. But you do read about a few well-off citizens wanting to sacrifice and serve their country in Washington so they can become better off.

Take a public figure like President Bush. Needing to get away from Congress, he flew to the Olympics. Before arriving in China, a vast empire enclosed in a haze, he blasted them for their human-rights record. That’s like being invited by friends over to dinner, and then calling a press conference to announce the hostess is a lousy cook.

Take former presidential candidate John Edwards, who covered up an affair. He didn’t have sex with that woman until suddenly remembering he did. Edwards had hired the co-affair person to make videos for his presidential campaign. He wanted “the country to actually see who I am, who I really am, but I don’t know what the result of that will be.” We know the result. Although his wife’s cancer is in remission, John’s cancerous moral core is not.

Sex and politics do mix until getting caught, but sex doesn’t cause a trillion dollar debt or wars between countries. And guess which current presidential candidate mixed sex and politics more than once and is getting away with it.

Take a country like Iraq. Apparently, it’s a story made up by the media. It’s a six-year long story that shouldn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t, didn’t happen, but it did. We’re spending about a billion a month there while Iraq’s oil exports have risen to a billion barrels per month. They now have an $80 billion surplus in their treasury whereas we have a $102 billion shortfall. May I respectfully ask why we don’t respectfully ask them to pay us for our trouble? Or perhaps we could borrow money from them like we borrow from that huge country with a dismal human-rights record. Or why not borrow from Staff Sgt. Thomas Keller?

Sgt. Keller, known as “Moneybags,” (not making this up) actually carries up to $960,000 in one hundred dollar bills in his camouflaged suitcase to go out and pay off Sunnis so they’ll kill al-Qaeda rather than Shiites or us. When asked if it made him nervous, the sergeant explained, “The first time I went to draw the money, I was pacing around sweating, so one of the guys asked me if I was OK with so much cash, I was like, ‘Definitely not’.” If any payoff funds go missing, he has to pay up, but what if he’s road-sided mugged? Why did it take so long for the “war room” to figure out people will work or kill for money? We should have paid the Shias to get Saddam seven year’s ago thus eliminating the need for the surge.

The presidential campaign is developing into a slime fight. I followed it until Paris Hilton responded to McCain’s ad, which had placed her in the crowd with 200,000 Germans when Obama addressed them with another hope speech. McCain’s staff said the ad was all in fun and not a subliminal reference to a black man/white woman link up. In her political ad, Paris indicated she’s “hot.” She is, but not more so than McCain and Obama, who are hot about losing the race if the campaign is based on respect and the real issues. Paris shouldn’t be an issue unless she becomes an offshore drilling nut.

One of the latest ads from the McCain camp infers that Obama may be the messianic “One.” The ad subtly portrays Obama as an apocalyptic figure and to the antichrist. He’s represented as a figure like Moses parting the Red Sea. Obama has insisted that he’s “the change we’ve been waiting for.” But if you vote for the inexperienced, self-anointed Hope-Man, we’ll be led into a 40-year wilderness.

Take the energy policy. Obama says inflate your tires, so McCain distributes air-gauges. It’s what kids think up at slumber parties.

Desperate for relief from what-can’t-be-happening, many Americans are diverting their attention to other activities like beer pong. You choose up sides and throw a ping-pong ball at a cup of beer. It does not require using your brain.



Terry Cummins will be glad when it’s over. Contact TLCTLC@AOL.com.

        

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