Published: December 23, 2006 01:26 pm      

The Extra Milers: Teenagers

Summer used to be a time when kids rode bikes miles away from their homes and we didn’t stress about it. Picnics with lemonade and watermelon were a common event. Families and neighbors would sit on their front porch steps talking, laughing and learning about one another. Friends played cards for hours, while children played hide and seek and other self-entertaining, non-electronic games. Summers were slower; summers were free time to catch our breath. Most teenagers didn’t work until we turned 15 or 16, with the exception of house chores, lawn mowing and babysitting services. Few worked at all during the school year, even after turning 16. Since we didn’t have our own cars or expensive entertainment, it just wasn’t necessary. We didn’t have as many ‘things’ or as many clothes or as many vacations, but we didn’t need them. With the exception of football camp, we didn’t have school sports to work us during the summers, and multiple sporting activities to keep us running in various directions. We kept fit by running through the neighborhood free and safe (now considered “wild”). We didn’t look upon roller skating for miles, flipping through the yard, swimming, or playing tag for hours as exercise. Summers were the time to slow down, throw down the school books, release stress and live at a slower pace.

Somewhere along the line summer has lost the fun for many of us, including our children and teens and it is simply an extension of obligations and working on plans to cram in another stress filled mandatory vacation. Our summers have simply become faster paced and less relaxing. I’m not looking for blame because it is a waste of time. Instead, I’m asking folks to think about what this is doing to us and our children? Where can we find kindness if we are overly stressed and moving too fast? Our teenagers want what we have now and most are willing to work for it. Look around when you shop or dine. Pay attention to these children and the positions they fill to ensure we are served. I often hear about how lazy and negative our youth have become and certainly there is a different mindset from my Type A work ethics and my 18 year old sons, which is a generational gap discussion for another time. All of this leads me to the reason for this column on kindness. If you want to find children and teens that are lazy and negative, you will find them all around; however, if you want to find those who are willing to work hard, care for those less fortunate, and go the extra mile, you will just as quickly find them. It is easier to find something when looking for it. We find what we are looking for in life. To quote Epictetus, a Roman slave and Stoic philosopher, “Seek not good from without; seek it within yourselves, or you will never find it.” Look for kindness…in our store clerks, in the bank teller, in our children, and in yourself. When you find it, even if just for that moment, you will rediscover the magic of summer. You may have to go out your own door and listen to what others are telling you about your own teenager(s) to get the drift of these words.

Last weekend I went out on an expedition to find teenagers who are going that extra mile and I didn’t have to go farther than my neighborhood grocery/retail store. Many of our youth are recognized in the newspaper for excelling in school work, volunteer work, church mission trips, and sports. I applaud them; however, this trip was to find those who would not normally be recognized. Those who are working hard to pleasantly serve us during our fast paced June-August lives. I entered a local store (Meijers) and watched the teenagers as I shopped. They seemed happy and most were laughing as they talked to one another and the customers. A teenage girl in a red polo shirt saw I was perplexed by the choices of printer ink cartridges and voluntarily stepped up to assist. She said she didn’t work in that section but knew a lot about computers. Later while waiting in line to check out, I was ushered by a polite young man to another line with less people waiting. When I thanked him, he grinned and replied, “Just doin’ my job.” While checking out, I chatted with the young cashier. She seemed the quiet type, so I did most of the talking; however, she smiled and seemed to enjoy the light hearted banter, thanking me (with a smile) before I left. I then walked over to the soft drink fountain where I witnessed an act of kindness, but this individual was a bit beyond his teenage years. A small girl of about 6 years old was sitting on the pony ride pretending it was moving (it was not). An employee, Wayne Gilbert, walked up to the girl, placed a penny in the machine and said to her, “This is what my mother used to do for me when I was your age, so I always keep pennies in my pocket.” The young girl was delighted as the pony started to move back and forth. She quickly returned the kind act by calling out to her younger brother to jump on and share the ride. As their parents walked toward them I heard the little girl happily state, “That nice man gave us the money for this ride.” Hopefully, those parents passed along the kindness before the day was up. Before I left the store, I reported two of the employees for going out of their way to help others. Acts of kindness, large and small, are all around us if we just slow down long enough and look. If you want to find the angry, troublesome people and children, they are there and just as easy to find. Remember, it is your choice.

Whatever your preference, I bid you to slow down your summer – look for kindness — take a few minutes to smile at the people you meet on the street, in the elevators, at the post office, and in your grocery store. Chat with those young people who serve you this summer. Sit on your front porch or steps and watch children laugh and make noise, listen to the birds, eat watermelon (before it goes out of season) and pay attention to the small kindnesses that are all around us.

Carol A. Dawson is a resident of Jeffersonville and president of a national training and consulting company, EEO Guidance, Inc . If you have seen or been a part of an act of kindness or know an extra miler, let us know about it. To submit a story or act of kindness, contact Carol via email: Extra.Milers@newsandtribune.com or send mail to: The Extra Milers, The Evening News, 221 Spring St., Jeffersonville, IN 47130-3340.