Published: February 01, 2009 01:08 am      

MOD MOM: Mommy guilt, meet Sybil

Watching the previews of a new cable drama about a woman with multiple personalities recently, I began to wonder if I'd developed something along the lines of multiple mom syndrome.

On my Facebook page that day, Goody-Two-Shoes Mom listed her status as “Playing mommy hooky - Ava's still in her jammies, watching TV and eating eggs for the second time today.” It was basically a confession to my mommy friends. I was a little surprised when I didn't get a virtual pat-on-the-back.

No wonder, my Slacker Mommy said, “That's not a confession! A confession would be if she were in a dirty diaper, sharing Cheerios from the floor with the dog, playing with a lighter. The occasional afternoon in her PJs watching 'Sesame Street' while you fix her favorite meal a second time is a perfectly fine way to spend a day.”

“Well, I wouldn't say it was perfect - a nice way to start the day might be a trip to the children's museum after a good breakfast.”

The personality you just met is Mediator Mom - a combination of my mom, second-grade teacher and mommy friends. She talks a lot. Usually she's right.

I never know whom I'm waking up with on any given day. After a few sips of caffeine, I'll start to recognize the signs:

If frosted cereal wins out over a veggie omelet, Slacker Mom decided to get up early today. When the day's schedule barely leaves time for a nap, but of course she'd never skip the appropriately timed nap, Goody-Two-Shoes Mom is in charge.

Mediator Mom steps in at some point - call and cancel one of the appointments so Ava doesn't get overtired and you have time to eat a sandwich and read a magazine.

Some days are spent with all three battling for power. (And I wonder why I started getting migraines after motherhood!)

Goody Two Shoes Mom: “Lunch is over, the kitchen is cleaned, it's puzzle time!”

Slacker Mom: “Are you crazy? Lunch is over, the kitchen is cleaned, I'm watching 'Inside Edition'.”

Between these two, Mediator Mom doesn't always get heard right away.

Goody-Two-Shoes Mom: “You're just going to watch trash TV while your 2-year-old - whose brain is at its optimal learning point - crawls around after the cat with a bowl in her mouth?”

Slacker Mom: “I know, isn't that hilarious?! Where'd she learn that anyway? And in case you haven't heard, toddlers also need free play time to let their minds and bodies explore the world around them.”

Looking for info on my disorder from the most trusted source, the Internet, I quickly came to a self-diagnosis - I didn't have multiple personalities, I had Mommy Guilt. And, I'm not alone.

The authors of the recently published book “Mommy Guilt” found that 96 percent of the 1,300 moms surveyed felt guilty about some aspect of their parenting. “Working Mother” magazine found only 10 percent of readers surveyed who worked outside the home full time felt they were doing a good enough job as a mom.

The fact is today's moms are actually spending more time focused on their children than mothers in the seemingly idyllic 1950s and 60s, according to a 2007 University of Maryland study.

“It's almost like it doesn't matter how much they do, they feel they do not do enough,” sociologist Suzanne M. Bianchi, the study's lead author, told the “Washington Post” about the internal struggles of today's mothers.

Can you say preaching to the choir?

I could go on, but if you're a mom, I doubt you need more examples.

Right now your own personalities are probably arguing over dinner.