Published: October 09, 2008 01:10 am      

CRESS: On Target with this week's football picks

Being attached to a sports fan is tough.

My poor girlfriend, who has to live with me, instinctively understands that I will forget to pay the electric bill, let my car insurance lapse and then sit in my crashed car listening to sports radio because I can’t get ESPN in the powerless house.

Especially this time of year, when just about every sport is either gearing up or heading to the postseason. Fall isn’t much of a season anymore (global warming has made sure of that), but it’s the best time to love sports.

I find my dreams are full of the thud of bouncing balls. Soccer balls, footballs, tennis balls, volleyballs creating a chorus of their very own through my subconscious.

One minute I am thinking about Floyd Central making another run to state in volleyball, or Cameron Metzger returning from injury to lead Charlestown to postseason gridiron glory. The next minute I’m awake and realizing I’ve eaten my pillow.

My girlfriend hates that. But it means we get to go to Target for another one.

Seriously, what’s the deal with women and Target? To me, it’s a high-brow Wal-Mart. But if you tell any female consumer that, you’ll end up with a basketball placed somewhere where it really wasn’t intended to go.

And that’s why men turn to sports in the first place. Poor me.



NORTH HARRISON AT CHARLESTOWN

In two weeks, they’ll turn around and replay this one in the first round of the Class 3A sectionals, so it becomes even more important from a strategic standpoint.

Do you show the opposition everything you have? Do you go for the throat and try to intimidate? Why am I asking so many questions?

Of course you try to win, and these teams go about that business in similar ways. The Pirates’ Josh Graham is one of the breakout stars of the season, as is bruising Cougar running back Matt Bruderle. But Charlestown has the better supporting cast and should win both matchups this season.

The pick: Charlestown 35, North Harrison 14.



PROVIDENCE AT TECUMSEH

All I know about Tecumseh is that apparently you need a Native American guide, a pair of sherpas, a camel and a dusty treasure map (inherited from your uncle — the pirate) to get there.

Assuming the bus driver can get the Pioneers to the field, they’ll find an unbeaten Braves squad that is outscoring foes by an average score of 46.4-3.4.

That’s right, the Tecumseh defense has yet to allow an opponent into double figures, and Wood Memorial’s eight-point offensive explosion is the closest anyone has come.

Still, Providence has obviously played the tougher schedule, and both teams do have a common opponent in Mitchell. Both Tecumseh and the Pioneers blasted the Bluejackets by an equally-convincing margin.

The pick: Providence 19, Tecumseh 14.



JEFFERSONVILLE AT COLUMBUS EAST

I could do my job and provide a bunch of numbers to prove just how dominant East has been this season.

The only thing you really need to know is that the Olympians are No. 1 for a very good reason. And that’s the sort of attention to detail that makes The Matt forever No. 1 in your hearts.

The pick: Columbus East 49, Jeffersonville 7.



SEYMOUR AT NEW ALBANY

The Bulldogs have been, to me, the best team in the area this season and were rewarded with a sectional bye and a realistic shot to make the finals. To do it, New Albany will likely have a rematch with Castle, a team it should have beaten earlier in the season.

Now it’s time to build some momentum, although the Owls are a tricky place to start.

Seymour is a deceptive 3-4, with the losses coming to very good teams. New Albany, on the other hand, should be sitting at 6-1 if not for a bad half in its first meeting with the Knights.

The biggest difference this season has been an improved Bulldog defense. Gone are the days where five different opponents score more than 30 points (also known as last season). This new and improved New Albany side has allowed 30-plus just once during this campaign.

The pick: New Albany 28, Seymour 24.



CRAWFORD COUNTY AT CLARKSVILLE

So I got an e-mail from Thomas Threatt’s mother, who tried to put an end to the long search for an appropriate nickname for her play-making offspring.

In hindsight, I guess “C-Threatt PO” and “Nightmare on Elm Threatt” weren’t the best ideas, nor was “Hill Threatt Blues,” although that was an awesome show.

In the end, I’ve decided I liked her suggestions but am going with Thomas “The Tiger” Threatt. You know, because he’s “grrrrreat.”

Thanks, I spent two entire days working on that. Did I mention my job is really, really difficult?

The pick: Clarksville 27, Crawford County 20.



FLOYD CENTRAL AT JENNINGS COUNTY

Four weeks, four losses for the Highlanders, but it could be worse.

They could be Jennings County.

The Panthers are 7-41 over the past five seasons and nearly half of those wins came during last year’s sterling 3-7 campaign.

Since the game seems pretty easy to call, I’ll talk about something that cracks me up. Have you ever been to a Floyd game where the PA announcer says, “and now please rise for the singing of the national anthem?” Then, he pauses for a second before he begins singing it himself?

He actually has a very good voice, so it’s not all bad. It just kills me. I’m going to start popping my head into doorways to say, “and now Matthew Cress!” Then, I’ll just walk in and sit down at my desk. This could be applied to a lot of different things.

Whatever happens, if you need me, I’ll be at Target.

The pick: Floyd Central 42, Jennings County 20.

Contact Matthew Cress at matthew.cress@newsandtribune.com.