Published: September 05, 2008 08:43 pm            

JOHNSON: Make sure to listen closely for a child's real problem

HEAD: Listen closely for kid’s problems

DROPHEAD: xxxx



By RICHARD JOHNSON

Local Columnist



“If God created marijuana, then why is it wrong to smoke it?” “If I wait to have sex until after I'm married, how will I know if the sex is any good?”

I love the questions we get from the kids in “juvie.” Once a month, and sometimes twice a month, my wife and I spend a Sunday afternoon with the kids at a local juvenile detention center. We only have an hour with them, but we try to make the most of it.

Kids get talked at a lot: Parents, teachers, pastors, almost every adult has something to say to them. It's important that kids learn, but education is two-way street. Talking at our young people isn't enough. They also need to be listened to.

One of the ways to demonstrate love is to be genuinely interested in hearing what other people have to say. We humans are not naturally good listeners.

Many parents are so mentally and emotionally worn out from trying to meet the demands of modern life that we have little energy left to devote to building a close relationship with our kids. In our exhaustion, as long as they do well in school, go to church and do not do anything to embarrass us, we are satisfied.

While it may be true that it takes a village to raise a child, raising emotionally and spiritually healthy children is a task too important for parents to delegate to others.

In order for young people to uncover their God-given gifts, talents and interests, become mature adults and find their place in life and society, they need two actively engaged parents, a mother and a father.

I am not taking a shot at single parents when I say this. Single parents have the toughest and most impossible job in the world. They deserve respect and need all the help they can get.

Parents need to find the strength to establish genuine, two-way trust and communication with our kids, and part of doing that is not only to listen to them but to listen consistently. If no one listened to you, wouldn't you eventually become resentful and angry, maybe even sullen, rebellious and unresponsive? You might even break the law as a way to get attention from your parents, any attention.

When we're with the kids in juvie, Dawn and I tell them we are prepared to talk at them, but we would rather hear what is on their minds. Sometimes we say we re going to play a game called “Stump the Old, Fat, White Couple.”

We tell them, if they have a question they've been dying to ask an adult but were afraid to ask, here is their chance to ask it without getting into trouble. There is no such thing as a dumb question or an off-limit topic, we say. Ask us anything you like about Jesus, the Bible or life in general.

Sometimes they bite; sometimes they don't. But when they respond it's awesome. When they start to ask questions and find we meant it when we said there will be no penalty for asking, the wall between the generations begins to come down, and Dawn and I find out what is on their minds.

The questions they ask tell us what is important to them, what they are struggling with and even where and why they are hurting. Once we know these things, we can start to address their issues.

It really bothers me to see a kid in juvie wearing an orange jumpsuit. Unless our prayers are answered, and there is a change in the direction their life is taking, it means I will probably meet them again in a few years, in another correctional facility, as an adult.

There is also a high probability that kids in juvie have a mother or father who has served time. Statistics show that the child of an inmate has at least a 70 percent chance of becoming an inmate too. Just one is one too many in my book.

I'm not going to say right now how we answered the kids' questions about marijuana and sex. Instead I am going to give some homework and ask how others might have answered them. E-mail me your answers this week, I will read them and include some of them in a future column. Then I will tell you how we answered them. In the meantime, thanks for listening.

In addition to his duties as the Executive Director of Christian Formation Ministries, Richard Johnson does a lot of personal ministry, helping men succeed who have served their time and really want to become law-abiding and contributing members of society. He and his wife, Dawn, who works with the women, are always interested in speaking with men and women who may be interested in helping reduce crime one changed life at a time. His organization has numerous volunteer opportunities available. For information, please e-mail or call: richard@christian-formation.org, or (812) 945-0886.

        

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